I realized I have lived with a dominate personality since I
was 20, someone who always told me what to do.
December ’05 to November ’06 was with my brother and his wife and their
two year old. My sister in law pretty
much is the type that it is better to back away in an argument and accept what
she says and do what she says.
From then until July ’12 I lived with my ex. Until that first summer, it was just in the
bedroom but then there was a trigger and he hit a jealous rages. To avoid them, I did exactly as any slave
should do, whatever he said when he said, at first, it was good, but then it
goes beyond this post. The point is I
went where he said, I clean what he said.
He said if it was cleaned enough, good enough, if I missed a spot.
After I moved in here in November, I have gone rounds with my
sister in law about how I clean. The first time I cleaned while I was here, I
told her exactly what I did and what I missed, I was tired, (it was after my
injury). It had been a few years since I
had cleaned for someone who was not my ex.
*Anyway,* I suddenly realized I will hopefully soon be
moving out for the first time.
I have started to move out on my own before and have the
same thoughts and feelings they come to me in waves. I am 28 now and never have lived alone. I mean the closest thing to alone I had was
sleeping in my car for a few and couch hopping and staying awake in a gas
station (did you notice that gap) until my sister in law found out, in I think
September but that was their old house so it was still like couch hopping. What is it like? Like living on your own? No one telling you what to do? But at the same time not telling you it is
time to clean?
I get to decide where everything is going to go. However, it will have to be to optimize wall
space for books, so not much choice, once you think about it.
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