Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Try, Try, Try

Try to clean the bathroom, too clean or not enough.

Save kittens, 'I miss my cat.' Well, why the fuck didn't you get the fucking thing spayed! I just took three to a no kill shelter. and now your fucking cat is pregnant!  You gave me permission to take you cat without asking where it was going who had if you could visit and now you want to ask.  I don't know their last names!!!

 Go to work on short notice.  I told I am going into a doctor's appointment.  If I am late getting out I will be late getting there.  I am late, out of uniform, and I stay late!!!!!!!!

Now, why the fuck do I feel like shit today??????????????????

Someone please tell me why I feel like shit????  I try and do nothing get nothing done.


They changed my pain cream without telling me.  It better be the same shit.  I will be pissed, if not.  Aren't they suppose to warn you about that.  Assholes.  I am fucking pissed off.  I don't like it.  They shouldn't do that shit to your prescriptions.  GRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 20, 2013


I haven't kept this up to date much, but I am going to start.  I need somewhere to talk about my injury.  Facebook isn't good.  FetLife isn't good because I started going to munches.  So to state where I am and was.

In November I was attacked at work, and received a concussion.  I have post concussion syndrome which is a traumatic brain injury.  I failed to get proper treatment, and was denied it.  I had a horrible doctor and I was too out of it to realize it.  I don't really remember about three months.  I have flashes but no real memories.  Before the injury my memories are like reading books no feeling.

My short term memory is returning, my speech has mostly returned.  I still dislike reading, something I use to love.  My face on the right side is numb. I scratch it a lot.  My arm is numb, it is great for shots and blood work.  :)

I have been fighting workers compensation non stop for money and medical care.

I haven't slept through the night since my injury.  I am just tired all the time.  I cannot stand sounds at all.  Ear plugs are my friend.

I am also losing weight at an alarming rate.

I am using a lot of pain meds.  I am sort of happy it isn't oral medication.

I started going to munch and went to the dungeon though playing is out of the question for right now.  I think it is too dangerous... who knows.

Conversations with a female friend: about dating each other.

<Crossed posted from Fetlife>
She says: I would so date you if you were a guy, but you are female and we are both straight.
I laughed: Are you sure?
She laughed: Yes. Aren’t you?
I chuckled: Well, it wouldn’t matter, you aren’t open enough sexually for us to compatible.
(My way of saying you are way the fuck too vanilla for me. I was trying to be nice. Did you guys know you could have sex without any biting scratching or anything of sort? I mean any at all. No one grabbing you and holding you place. No pulling you back when you try to wiggle away from their tongue or fingers. I did know that, until she told me. Wow, I thought I had vanilla sex once or twice, but I guess I was wrong.) Anyway back to the point.
She goes on: I am open sexually.
I laughed: Now, think about everything I have ever told you.
She went silent: Okay, but you never answered the straight question.
I laughed: I have never really came to the position where it has come up.

We talk, more than anyone. We call each other nearly every night to say good night.

There was a lot more to it but that was the main points.

The last line comes from: I had a coworker/friend who was hitting on me I am not sure if it was in fun, seriousness, or both, probably both. However, I wonder now if I was more open then what would have happened.

My question is while I have only been attracted to males, is it so far, or is it the way I am? Is it possible that I just haven’t met a female I am attracted to? I am not saying this actually applies to anyone or me. Is this an actual possibility?

My friend and I are really close friends, but I have no sexual attraction. However, I have another friend that there are times I feel uncomfortable sleeping next to. She had gotten a new mattress and we laid down for I swear five minutes. We woke up next to each other, really close to each other, in a rather awkward position. I am not uncomfortable, because it freaks me out she is a girl, but because she is my friend. However, is that true? Or does it make me uncomfortable because she is a girl?