Saturday, December 21, 2013

Why X~Mas sucks!

You build traditions over a space of years.  If you take in traditions that was built in by your own family growing up and blend them into your partner’s traditions, it makes it all the worse.  It is so hard to wipe him out.  We had our traditions set, we celebrated at my aunt’s xmas eve, with my family.  We did ours x mas morning, his family xmas evening.  All together shopping was a blast, 7 nephew and nieces, 4 siblings and in laws, his parents, four aunts and uncles, five cousins, plus each other and that is just those we plan to buy for; sometimes there are ones who were visiting that we would add to the mix.  Cards were insane.  I haven’t sent out cards the last two years because of my issues regardless. 

I didn’t have the ability to adjust last year.  I was too out of it.  I just sort of went with it. 

This year I live with my brother and I still have no one to spend it with.  I will be in my room alone.  I have no one to spend it with.  I will be alone.  Perhaps I will go to a Chinese restaurant to eat. 

I have no tradition.  Just me and my cat.  Just me and my lovely adorable cat. 

I lost my hours all of them.  I have been so depressed these past couple of days that I didn’t get out of bed for anything.  I went a full day without feeding my cat.  I can’t believe that. 

Next year I will have my own tradition.  It will be mine and mine alone.  No more sharing holiday crap with people and traditions and habits with other people.  Maybe I need to break the habit of going to the dungeon every two weeks.  But I think I will wait until I move.  Right now, I need something to look forward to, something that is not horrible. 

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