I think this is only the second year losing weight is not at the top of my list, however, I do not want to end the year at what I started this year.
*Stop trying to make everything so perfect.* Try to speed up. That is how to fit into modern American society. By modern, it has only been that way since what, the industrial age, which only sped only increased through the 70’s and 80’s. If you know me, or simply look above and do rough math you will see a reason, I shouldn’t think this is normal.
*Move on.* I mean, move out of my brothers. Get a job, which will allow me to do so, full or part time, not limited to 24, but perhaps around it. No more holding back. Do what I want, meds will have to help, but it will have to be so.
Last year, I had one goal to get better, do everything to do to get better, listen to every detail do everything. I have notes a list of everything they told me to do. I have a check list of when I did it. While I am not going to go bash my head against the wall or other things ;-), not take my meds, or drink, I am done spending my time lying around. I already started, ‘socializing once and a while, but not too much, maybe just a couple of hours a hours.’ lol, not sure if the dungeon I go to, is what she had in mind.
*Acceptance.* This is what I am, headaches and all. What I lost is gone. I like some of the same things. However, I lost a lot and some is returning. Stop worrying about what changes are from, my head injury and the break up.
(Though I really hope that *independence*, I was forming in the months between the break up and my injury comes back when I move, I think that was kind of fun. I did a lot of things for myself; I would have never done, alone, before. I was even making choices for myself without freaking out, something I have lost/losing. I even went into a new restaurant and order something totally new, without asking any questions (other than allergens) and (omg) no planning.) <-- is that weird for a submissive to say?
*Stop trying to pleasing everyone!!!* It back fires. If someone even hints it will make them happy I will bend over backwards to do it. Unless you piss me off, then it has to involve cleaning, just hand me vinegar and a rag, and point me in the direction you want me to clean. (Oh, it has to be spotless. If it isn’t spotless, we will have a problem.)
*Apologizing for shit that isn’t my fault!!!* I just fucking apologized for cutting a friend out of my life. He did something so horrible, that it is unforgiveable, not to me, but it is something I could never look him in the face as a friend again. This is the worst example.
Okay list on my things I want to learn, some I may not be able to do though.
1. *Oil change with oil and air filters,* I had asked to learn how to do this, but “you are not coming near this engine,” seemed reasonable, perhaps, it still is.
2. *Tire change* (even if I should not really be doing this, I still should learn how to do this). I had been asking how to learn to do this from my ex for years. Isn’t this one of those things I am suppose to know how to do.
3. *Re-learn Greek.* (Go through my basic Greek books)
4. Do the Theogony or Works and Days in Greek
5. Return to my old reading level
6. Every last detail of all the office programs
7. How to rewire a lamp. (not the standard, but mine)!!!
8. Find a local ear plug store.
Perhaps not that order like maybe English before Greek…