I think this is only the second year losing weight is not at
the top of my list, however, I do not want to end the year at what I started
this year.
Instead
*Stop trying to make everything so
perfect.* Try to speed up. That is how
to fit into modern American society. By
modern, it has only been that way since what, the industrial age, which only
sped only increased through the 70’s and 80’s.
If you know me, or simply look above and do rough math you will see a
reason, I shouldn’t think this is normal.
*Move on.* I mean, move out of my
brothers. Get a job, which will allow me
to do so, full or part time, not limited to 24, but perhaps around it. No more holding back. Do what I want, meds will have to help, but
it will have to be so.
Last year, I had one goal to get
better, do everything to do to get better, listen to every detail do
everything. I have notes a list of
everything they told me to do. I have a
check list of when I did it. While I am
not going to go bash my head against the wall or other things ;-), not take my
meds, or drink, I am done spending my time lying around. I already started, ‘socializing once and a
while, but not too much, maybe just a couple of hours a hours.’ lol, not sure if
the dungeon I go to, is what she had in mind.
*Acceptance.* This is what I am,
headaches and all. What I lost is gone.
I like some of the same things. However,
I lost a lot and some is returning. Stop
worrying about what changes are from, my head injury and the break up.
(Though I really hope that *independence*, I
was forming in the months between the break up and my injury comes back when I
move, I think that was kind of fun. I
did a lot of things for myself; I would have never done, alone, before. I was even making choices for myself without
freaking out, something I have lost/losing.
I even went into a new restaurant and order something totally new,
without asking any questions (other than allergens) and (omg) no planning.) <--
is that weird for a submissive to say?
*Stop trying to pleasing everyone!!!* It back fires. If someone even hints it will make them happy
I will bend over backwards to do it.
Unless you piss me off, then it has to involve cleaning, just hand me
vinegar and a rag, and point me in the direction you want me to clean. (Oh, it
has to be spotless. If it isn’t spotless,
we will have a problem.)
*Apologizing for shit that isn’t my fault!!!* I just fucking apologized for cutting a friend
out of my life. He did something so horrible,
that it is unforgiveable, not to me, but it is something I could never look him
in the face as a friend again. This is the
worst example.
Okay list on my things I want to learn, some I may not be
able to do though.
1.
*Oil change with oil and air filters,* I had asked
to learn how to do this, but “you are not coming near this engine,” seemed
reasonable, perhaps, it still is.
2.
*Tire change* (even if I should not really be
doing this, I still should learn how to do this). I had been asking how to learn to do this
from my ex for years. Isn’t this one of
those things I am suppose to know how to do.
3.
*Re-learn Greek.* (Go through my basic Greek
books)
4.
Do the Theogony or Works and Days in Greek
5.
Return to my old reading level
6.
Every last detail of all the office programs
7.
How to rewire a lamp. (not the standard, but mine)!!!
8.
Find a local ear plug store.
Perhaps not that order like maybe English before Greek…
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