I can do this.

The first Wal-Mart was noisy.  This one is better.  It warm for December so this is better.  No allergy attacks.   I am safer in my car than I was with him.  I need to laundry if for no other reason to clean my car out.   Also I have extra blankets that I may need eventually.  

I can do this.  I make this work.   I do want to find a couple of other places to park so I don't become a fixture though.  

Catch up, living out of my car.

So I was staying with a guy who is dating a friend of mine and that was a mistake in itself.   

The guy I played with totally screwed me.  His wife didn't know.  He is saying I made it up and a whole bunch of other stuff.  I won't talk to him at all, now.  He used me.  The thing I I am not even mad he hurt me I am mad he hurt her.  

Back to the guy I was staying with he wanted me to cut my over time to clean his place, his chore list looked more like something to expect from dom type.  He also has made statements in the last couple of weeks that I needed to have my ass beat again, and he should just do it.  I decided I should get out while I had choice.  I am spending the night in my car with blankets.  It isn't too bad.  Tax season is right around the corner....  I can do this.   

Moving out on my alone

I realized I have lived with a dominate personality since I was 20, someone who always told me what to do.  December ’05 to November ’06 was with my brother and his wife and their two year old.  My sister in law pretty much is the type that it is better to back away in an argument and accept what she says and do what she says. 

From then until July ’12 I lived with my ex.  Until that first summer, it was just in the bedroom but then there was a trigger and he hit a jealous rages.  To avoid them, I did exactly as any slave should do, whatever he said when he said, at first, it was good, but then it goes beyond this post.  The point is I went where he said, I clean what he said.  He said if it was cleaned enough, good enough, if I missed a spot. 

After I moved in here in November, I have gone rounds with my sister in law about how I clean.  The first time I cleaned while I was here, I told her exactly what I did and what I missed, I was tired, (it was after my injury).  It had been a few years since I had cleaned for someone who was not my ex. 

*Anyway,* I suddenly realized I will hopefully soon be moving out for the first time. 

I have started to move out on my own before and have the same thoughts and feelings they come to me in waves.  I am 28 now and never have lived alone.  I mean the closest thing to alone I had was sleeping in my car for a few and couch hopping and staying awake in a gas station (did you notice that gap) until my sister in law found out, in I think September but that was their old house so it was still like couch hopping.  What is it like?  Like living on your own?  No one telling you what to do?  But at the same time not telling you it is time to clean? 

I get to decide where everything is going to go.  However, it will have to be to optimize wall space for books, so not much choice, once you think about it.